Talking divorce before tying the knot

just divorcedDivorce can add a decade to your working life, according to a new study from an Australian super fund.

In a recent research report titled Untying the Knot, Suncorp Superannuation asked married and divorced people about retirement ages and found that while both groups were on par when it came to ideal retirement ages, there was a big gap when they had to be realistic.

Married couples said retirement would be possible by the time they were 65, however divorcees said retirement would be unrealistic until the age of 75.

The report also used figures relating to the average age of divorce from the Australian Bureau of Statistics to demonstrate the very different financial positions of male and female divorcees.

Most men divorce when they are 45 years old and have about $128,000 in super, while most women divorce at 42 with $42,000.

I’ll let you cogitate on that, and the vested interests of the report’s authors, for a wee moment before we continue.

Now.

Divorce. It happens. And it hurts. Divorce hurts in many different ways. It may be important to think of this before getting married.

But is it a good idea? Is it smart to stop and think about things falling apart before building something up? Is it a good idea to contemplate the demise of a romance before taking it all the way, or will you simply kick-off some sort of negative, self-fulfilling prophecy of doom?

A lot of couples shirk the hard stuff for fear it will ruin things. I sometimes wonder whether this is a sign the foundations of their relationship are shaky at best. Surely strength comes from facing up to brutal truth, rather than stuffing cowardly fingers in ear and shrieking “cant-hear-you” in unison?

Of course, there’s always the likelihood that one person in a partnership may be better equipped to have the conversation than the other. This is an imbalance, but the difference is not always insurmountable.

For we all know that romances work when people agree to support each other, and help each other learn and grow. It could simply be that some help through what would be a difficult conversation for anyone to have is necessary.

If it’s a conversation that needs to be had at all, that is.

Is it? Is talk of divorce before ‘I do’ going to strengthen or weaken your relationship?

Certainly there are practical benefits. Women especially need to wise-up when it comes to finances, and their financial security within relationships. The old idea women should rely solely on their husband to sustain themselves in perpetuity is partly responsible for the great many poor old ladies struggling to pay the bills as they age.

And while that idea is slowly dying, there’s no use pretending all things are equal. Women still earn less than men in Australia. Women are still less proficient in the language of finance and less able to adopt a ‘like a man’ approach to money (read: More likely to take on unnecessary responsibility/charge their decisions with emotion, not reason).

This is partly why I’m pro-pre-nup. It’s not a harbinger of doom, in my books, but simply a sensible document related to a bunch of other documents you’re about to sign, either literally through marriage or by default if you’re de facto.

But the cost of divorce isn’t just financial. Divorce also rips apart families, and causes significant emotional trauma for all parties involved, especially when children are involved. I believe these are other reasons why it might be a good idea to discuss divorce before marriage, if only to underscore the sheer depth of your feeling for one another, and willingness to commit, even in the face of possible devastation.

Don’t you agree?

Justice Tweeted is Justice Done

twitter-in-justiceWhether it’s tweet-happy judges or YouTube-wielding family law litigants, social media is dramatically reshaping our court system.

Two judges speak candidly about the many challenges that social media poses to our courts and the unprecedented opportunity it offers for a more transparent legal system.

Transcript

Damien Carrick: Hello, welcome to the Law Report, good to be with you. First up, chances are you have a Facebook account. It’s quite possible that you also like to tweet. These days everyone was to tell the world and their friends what they do and what they think. But should judges jump on the social media bandwagon? Judith Gibson is a judge of the New South Wales District Court. She says that while there are potential pitfalls, provided judges use their common sense, social media can be a very useful tool.

Judith Gibson: I have found Twitter to be an amazing way to keep up with cases, judgement bulletins, summaries of arguments from all over the world. And I began a Twitter column essentially to provide links to all of these for people who are interested in defamation and media law.

Damien Carrick: What should courts and judges be able to say on social media as a general rule, do you think?

Judith Gibson: A lot of people wonder if judges should use social media at all, and of course it’s much too late to be asking that question. In America, for example, 46% of judges use Twitter and Facebook already. So judges are well and truly using it. The question is I suppose how you should deal with contact with litigants or lawyers, and what to do when judges express views which may indicate prejudice or a preconceived view.

Damien Carrick: So there’s a balance to be struck, there are danger zones that you should perhaps avoid. I understand that in a recent episode of The Good Wife, which is a US legal drama, the legal team were able to abort a trial when they discovered that the judge had become a Facebook friend of one of the jurors. Has that actually happened in real life?

Judith Gibson: Yes, there have been several cases in America where this has occurred. The best known is a case called Youkers and the State of Texas, and what happened was someone who entered into a plea bargain wanted to set it aside and he said, hang on, the victim’s father got in touch with the judge and sent him a communication on Facebook.

Damien Carrick: What did the court decide? Was this inappropriate?

Judith Gibson: No, for two reasons. The principal reason was that the trial judge very wisely put the Facebook communication onto the public record and warned the father of the victim not to do it again. He also stated that it hadn’t influenced his decision-making in any way. And finally, what the victim’s father had said was he hoped that the judge was going to be lenient and do the right thing.

Damien Carrick: And what did the court have to say more broadly about a judge’s right to be on social media?

Judith Gibson: What the court said was that allowing judges to use Facebook and other social media is consistent with the fact that judges can’t forfeit their right to be a member of society. You can’t have judges being like vestal virgins in an ivory tower, they have to be able to communicate with other people, whether it’s friends, family, they have to form part of the community, because an essential part of being a judge is the reflection of community values.

Damien Carrick: When you agree to have somebody as a Facebook friend, does that give them some kind of status which impacts on the way that a court might look at an interaction between a judge on Facebook and their friend?

Judith Gibson: Well, no, and in fact the American courts have considered this issue and they’ve noted that it’s basically something that’s done with the flick of a button. So it’s a completely novel form of communication that can’t be judged in the same way as going up to someone and shaking their hand and becoming their friend.

Damien Carrick: A lot of courts actually have Twitter accounts; the Victorian Supreme Court, the US Supreme Court, the UK Supreme Court. You’ve looked at what the Victorian Supreme Court does. What does it do? And you find it quite interesting.

Judith Gibson: The Victorian Supreme Court has some extremely interesting links which enable you to listen to the sentencing of a person who has been convicted of a crime. This is really something that I haven’t been able to find anywhere else.

Damien Carrick: They will also advise when a trial is starting or when a jury has come back and is about to return a verdict. It’s very practical…well, especially from the media’s point of view, it’s very practical information.

Judith Gibson: Yes, that’s right, but also of course it helps to bring courts more into the community. I think a vital part of courts communicating with and dispensing justice is interaction with the community, particularly with the shrinking role of the jury. The more communication you have between courts and the community, the more people understand and respect the justice system.

Damien Carrick: Moving away from courts back to individual judges, is it true that in the UK judges have been told that they can participate in social media—Twitter, Facebook et cetera—but they shouldn’t identify themselves as a judge when they do so?

Judith Gibson: Yes, that was originally the position that the English courts talk, but they’ve had to backtrack quite a lot because it’s become increasingly apparent that courts and sites such as BAILII, the English court reporting site, are using Twitter, and to exclude courts and judges would be ridiculous. So basically technology triumphed over conservatism.

Damien Carrick: Speaking of triumph over conservatism, I understand that there was a general principle out there that judges weren’t to participate in ‘inappropriate activities’, but there was recently a bit of a mass judicial revolt when it came to reality television. Can you tell me about that?

Judith Gibson: Yes, there was concern that judges needed to maintain their dignity and that this meant that they shouldn’t appear on reality programs. But there was a mass breakout by not only the judges from the Supreme Court, the appellate court and the Queen’s Bench, but also 26 QCs, they all did a mass appearance on Masterchef. And in fact Sir Stanley Burnton, who is a very respected member of the Court of Appeal, made an adverse credit finding against the mango passion desert. His honour held that he didn’t detect the mango and there was not enough passion.

Damien Carrick: What’s the harm in that? I mean, I can’t see any harm at all arising from judges and lawyers showing that they are human beings and being out there, but not in any way talking to a controversial issue. Do you have a view?

Judith Gibson: Well, I don’t think a judge should appear on Masterchef and less he or she can cook and s something about the topic. I don’t think you need to have judges expressing opinions on absolutely everything, the way some rock stars do. So I’d like to see judges participating in communities by a whole range of activities, but relevant I think to their role in the legal system.

Damien Carrick: Judge Judith Gibson of the New South Wales District Court. She was a speaker at a recent conference organised by the Australasian Institute of Judicial Administration. The conference explored the ever expanding world of social media and the courts. Her paper has also been published by the Gazette of Law and Journalism, and we have links to both organisations online.

[Audio: Masterchef ad]

Damien Carrick: A disaster? Well, that might be a slight exaggeration. But judges aren’t the only legal players who have to be careful about their presence both in the conventional media and on social media. John Faulks is the Deputy Chief Justice of the Family Court of Australia. He says Family Court litigants often trawl through Facebook to try and trip up or expose their courtroom adversaries.

John Faulks: It’s becoming increasingly common because virtually everyone does communicate in some way with emails, text or Facebook or Twitter, all of these things are coming about, and so people are saying things on these media which are then reflected in affidavits that appear in the court or in their evidence in the court, or sometimes these things are used to contradict positions that they’ve taken in their sworn evidence, which creates some interesting moments for those involved.

Damien Carrick: Can you give me some scenarios?

John Faulks: Situations where people have asserted one thing in there affidavits and then either boast about or communicate about with their friends something that’s completely different, so they don’t own something and yet they admit to someone else they do, which is always fertile ground for cross-examination. But in addition of course a lot of people will, as occurred in the recent case that was reported in the press of Lackey and Mae, people will use the social media to abuse the other party, to bully the other party, to be critical of the proceedings, to be critical of the court, of witnesses or any number of things, which of course is relatively easy to do in the middle of the night, sit down, open up your account, put the information on there. You don’t have to look at anyone when you’re doing it, you don’t have to feel any empathy for the person who is being affected by it, you can just spray.

Damien Carrick: Tell me about the facts in that case?

John Faulks: What had happened was that the father’s family in that case had proceeded to send a whole lot of material on Facebook which was critical of the judge, they disparaged the effectiveness and the role of the independent children’s lawyer, they criticised the court, they criticised the experts who provided the reports, they criticised DoCS, there was a whole range of things which were obviously designed to perhaps…well, it seems it was designed to overwhelm those who were associated with the case in some way.

Damien Carrick: The main target was the mother. The father’s Facebook page was full of unfounded accusations that mum was sexually and physically abusing her children. In his decision, Federal Magistrate Warwick Neville was scathing about these sorts of personal attacks online.

Warwick Neville [reading]: Often they are very cowardly, because those who post such derogatory, cruel and nasty comments, regularly peppered with disgusting language and equally vile photographs, appear to feel a degree of immunity. They think they are beyond the purview or accountability of the law.

John Faulks: Under the Family Law Act there is a prohibition in section 121 of the publication of any information that would identify someone involved in proceedings before the court. And these sorts of things could well…and I can’t speak about that one in particular because it may be the subject of some prosecution of course, but that may be an example of it. And if you want to consider, Damien, what it would be like if you were a kid at school and all your mates said, ‘Oh, we’ve been looking at Facebook and we’ve seen what your father says about your mother,’ or whatever it may be, it’s a pretty horrible situation, which is why section 121 was brought into effect in the first place, to stop that from happening.

Damien Carrick: And what did the judge in that case, Lackey and Mae, rule on these social media postings?

John Faulks: He ordered that the father immediately remove from Facebook all references to these proceedings, including but not limited to all references to the children, the mother’s name, the father’s name, and so on and so on.

Damien Carrick: You mentioned there’s this section 121 of the Family Court Act which prevents identification or broadcast of parties in family law disputes. There is actually a prosecution involving that section currently going through the courts in Queensland, it involves the Courier Mail and articles which identified four girls who were involved in a very high profile dispute over whether those four should return to Italy from where they had been illegally removed by their Australian mum. Do you know, what’s the court’s involvement with that matter? Do you get involved with these or do you just hand them on?

John Faulks: We hand them on. A breach of section 121 is in fact a criminal offence and is hence handled by the Commonwealth through the DPP, and prosecutions are undertaken essentially on the demand of the attorney general. So it’s not a matter the court can deal with at all. And that prosecution of course is still pending, so there’s a limit to what I can say about that.

Damien Carrick: I believe, and I don’t know how much you can comment about this, but there was also a 60 Minutes story around the time of the Courier Mail article that identified all the parties but made no reference to court proceedings. So we all knew what they were talking about, but because they didn’t refer to the court process they I understand haven’t been charged with contravening section 121.

John Faulks: That is also my understanding, and interestingly there was I think a follow-up session when the girls had gone back to Italy, and the argument at that point was; was a report of the proceedings then identifying the girls by name and whatever else, a report of their time in Italy, was that a breach of the act? And of course it may not have been because it didn’t deal with the proceedings.

Damien Carrick: Even though if you understood, as we all did, the context, then you could place them back in the context of those proceedings.

John Faulks: Exactly. It’s an interesting Act. To my knowledge it has been the subject of very few applications with prosecutions along the way, and to be honest the Commonwealth really needs to make up its mind; does it want to keep the section in the Act and prosecute breaches or apparent breaches of it, or does it simply abolish it?

Damien Carrick: Do you have a view?

John Faulks: I personally think that it is very important, particularly for children, that family law proceedings are not part of the salacious press, if I can put it that way.

Damien Carrick: I understand that in this notorious case out of Queensland there was also a social media dimension to the campaign being run by both sides.

Reading: This page was started by four courageous sisters who wanted to have a say in their future. We believe in kids’ voices.

Reading: I love you with all my heart. I can’t wait to come home. I wish I was home with you right now. I miss you so much.

Damien Carrick: Coming back to section 121, the focus I think should always be throughout the law, no matter where we are, the best interests of vulnerable people, the best interests of children, and that’s a fantastic central core principle at the foundation of the Family Law Act. But criticism of the courts, criticisms of lawyers, criticisms of the system, you could say, well, there’s a legitimate place for that kind of robust identification of people involved and their place in the system.

John Faulks: I don’t think there’s any problem with criticism of the courts and criticism of judges, if it comes to that. It would be nice if the criticisms were fair and it would be nice if they were based on information rather than innuendo or simply prejudice, which is why I’d normally say in relation to a number of these people; have you read the case? Look at the case first, look at the reasons before you come to a conclusion about what had happened.

Damien Carrick: We’ve been talking a lot about Facebook so far, but there’s also a lot of material on YouTube. Judge John Faulks, let’s have a listen to this piece of audio, it’s from a video clip, but we are in a car park and the father is upset as he hands his young daughter back to the mother at the end of an access visit.

[Audio: YouTube video]

Damien Carrick: Judge John Faulks, it’s very emotive audio, the child is crying, the dad is crying, the clip is clearly made by the dad as a way of eliciting sympathy for him from the viewer. What’s your view of this kind of broadcast?

John Faulks: It’s happening more often now in court, curiously, and there are some offences possibly being committed by people recording other people without their knowledge. What happens in some cases is that people, they say for their protection, use a recording device to monitor or record what happens in a child handover particularly, and it’s then…people try to use it in court to demonstrate how upset the children are. It’s not often a very useful piece of evidence because children are upset for a whole range of reasons, and obviously the recording that is put before the court wouldn’t be put before the court unless it was favourable to the person who was recording it. In many cases people who record things like that are saying more about themselves than they are about the situation itself.

Damien Carrick: I don’t know if this was used as evidence in court but it certainly…

John Faulks: I don’t know either.

Damien Carrick: It’s up there on YouTube, so again, do we come back to section 121 if there is litigation in this case?

John Faulks: Possibly you do, and I’m assuming…well, he identifies himself to begin with, so it’s quite clear that it relates to the proceedings, but it’s not an account of the proceedings unless it became part of the evidence.

Damien Carrick: I see, so it’s okay?

John Faulks: Well, ‘okay’ is an interesting term in this context.

Damien Carrick: John Faulks, the Deputy Chief Justice of the Family Court of Australia.

And speaking of social media, do drop me a line on Twitter, the show’s handle is @lawreportRN, or me, @damien_carrick. Also you can find tonight’s stories, transcripts and a heap of previous episodes online at abc.net.au/radionational, or you can catch up with our separate stories podcast on iTunes.

Guests

Judith Gibson
Judge of the District Court of New South Wales
John Faulks
Family Court Judge

Further Information

Gazette of Law & Journalism
Court cases, legislation and policy issues that affect the media
(NB: subscription-only content)
Australasian Institute of Judicial Administration (AIJA)
Conducts research into judicial administration and the development of educational programmes for judicial officers, court administrators and members of the legal profession.

Credits

Presenter
Damien Carrick
Producer
James Pattison
Audio of Transcript

Donor privacy should trump a need to know

ivf-surrogate-baby-privacyLATELY, there have been all kinds of opinions swirling about on the subject of donor anonymity: whether or not to forcibly remove the anonymity of people who donated sperm and eggs before legislation was put in place in 1988.

The suggestion came up after last year’s Parliamentary Law Reform Committee inquiry in Victoria about donor-assisted conception.

The problem is that the inquiry mostly heard from angry donor-conceived people and activist sperm donors, because, as anyone who has worked for a compliments-and-complaints phone line can tell you, it’s usually angry people who speak up.

Understandably, these donor-conceived adults want to know their genetic history.

Some families can get past the genetic connection issues and some can’t, which is one of the many reasons why potential parents need to think very carefully before using Assisted Reproductive Technology and consider the interests of the potential person.

I’m lucky my parents did a lot of soul-searching and also that they chose a sperm donor who they knew. Because of my family’s visibility on the subject of Assisted Reproductive Technology (specifically on IVF surrogacy and sperm donation) and my mother’s research into all things ARTy, I feel able to speak up about such matters. I need to speak up, too, because angry donor kids are in the minority; most of us are happy just to be alive.

Retroactively removing anonymity from donors is a terrible idea with significant repercussions. People haven’t been able to donate anonymously in Victoria since 1988 and before that not every donor’s identity was recorded, so many people desperate for their genetic history will be disappointed.

In many situations, it was a young medical student who donated for pocket money and to help a childless couple. Unless you do a CSI-style DNA test on everyone living in Australia at that time, many donor-conceived people won’t have answers.

Forcibly revealing people’s identities has other consequences, too. What if the men went on to have families they didn’t tell and the secret ruins that? What if they don’t want to be contacted by strangers who happen to share some genes?

Surely, they have rights. And what about others who rely on promises of anonymity or confidentiality from governments, such as whistle-blowers? If the Government reneges on promises of anonymity, who will ever feel safe to come forward?

Retroactive laws have an uncomfortable feeling of broken promises and mistrust about them.

I’m not denying the pain of not knowing one’s origins – I will never know what it’s like to be unable to know who I came from. Originally, I wasn’t supposed to know who my donor was, but I did a bit of detective work as a 12-year-old and figured it out.

Not knowing would be horrible, but the fact is that most of these people can’t know. But there are potential solutions for those who can.

Instead of taking away the shield of anonymity, there needs to a better system for contacting the donors for which clinics have information, and seeking their consent, if the product of their donation comes forward.

That happened in the high-profile case of Narelle Grech last year, but it required the intervention of the Premier for the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages to be able to contact him. For the record, the donor was fine with being contacted.

Another good thing to do would be to better promote the voluntary registry, which is looked after by Births, Deaths and Marriages. At the end of financial year 2011-2012, there were more donors than donor-conceived people on the list. Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority says there were 386 people on the registry: 174 donors, 70 donor conceived people and 142 parents of donor children.

There are hundreds of thousands of donor-conceived people in Australia, most of whom are happy with their level of information. While there does need to be something done for the minority who need more, we can’t let the government tread all over the privacy of donors.

Alice Clarke is a Melbourne writer and was Australia’s first IVF surrogate baby. Twitter @Alicedkc

Single mothers hit hardest by cuts, PM told

single parents pension

Members of Kevin Rudd’s new cabinet have directly approached the Prime Minister about reversing Labor’s controversial cuts to single parents’ welfare payments.

The issue was discussed in policy talks during the new-look government’s first cabinet meeting since Mr Rudd returned to the leadership, with options being pursued about how best to financially help those mostly single mothers affected.

It is being approached from the view of a budget deficit and how the $728 million in cuts could be recouped elsewhere.

But it is understood that some ministers have approached the Prime Minister asking that the issue be given immediate priority.

”Yes, he knows we need to look at this closely and move quickly on it,” one Cabinet minister said. ”He knows that because I am one of them who have told him so. And we are looking at it.”

A member of Mr Rudd’s outer ministry also confirmed approaches had been made personally to the Prime Minister on the topic. This follows a host of backbench MPs publicly and privately expressing anger about the laws implemented by former prime minister Julia Gillard that moved about 84,000 people, mostly mothers, off of single parenting payments and onto the less generous Newstart allowance.

As a recent backbencher himself, Mr Rudd called on Ms Gillard’s cabinet to have ”a bit of heart” when dealing with the single mothers.

Mr Rudd’s spokeswoman would only say that he was ”discussing the issue with colleagues”.

Deputy Prime Minister Anthony Albanese signalled last week that any reverse to the policy would be weighed up against the impact on the budget.

Pets caught in divorce fallout as spiteful couples hurt innocent animals

pet-custodyLIKE a red rag to a bull, the newly acquired puppy leaps playfully from the car and into the marital version of World War III in suburban Australia.

A jilted ex-wife has just caught her cheating ex-husband and his lover at her house downloading a computer hard drive and has called police.

She pounces on the puppy in the driveway, threatens to throw it over a fence, but in her white-hot rage chooses to punt it a metre into the clutches of her former husband.

When her rage subsides, she recalls only “calmly passing the dog to the husband to ensure it left with him”. Not surprisingly, her argument is found to be “unpersuasive”.

The puppy case is sadly one of the more tame acts of cruelty uncovered by The Courier-Mail, with a rising number of animals ducking for cover in marriage breakdowns.

The threats to kill, strangle and maim pets are becoming part of the regular revenge tactics of warring couples as they share custody of children and animals.

“It happens fairly regularly where couples split up,” Australian Divorce Blog author Stephen Page told The Courier-Mail.

“Many people have pets and it is very easy to fight over animals. There is nothing worse than having a woman and kids in a refuge who go back because the animals are being mistreated.”

The RSPCA’s Michael Beatty said an animal respite service helping pets of women fleeing violence was currently handling more than 100 animals a year.

“When we set up, we expected to have about five dogs a year,” Mr Beatty said.

“Animals have a sixth sense and are very sensitive to the emotions of a marriage break.”

Latest ABS figures suggest Queenslanders are more likely to be childless.

And with one in three Australian marriages ending in divorce, it is perhaps unsurprising that the number of divorce cases involving spats over animals is also rising.

Under the Family Law Act, violence against animals is a form of family violence, empowering judges to take a big stick to litigants who drag animals into a divorce fight.

It is often the case that a badly behaving pooch has driven a disgruntled spouse to the edge.

In one case, a 62-year-old husband was charged with domestic violence when he hit the pet dog with a broom to stop it urinating on the marital bed towards the end of his 15-year marriage.

Queensland-based Federal Circuit Court Judge Michael Burnett said the husband tried to “underplay” his “reprehensible conduct” against the terrier.

“The breed is well known and it’s hardly of the kind to strike terror in the hearts of most able-bodied persons,” Judge Burnett said.

There are plenty of examples in the Family Court of dogs being mistreated, with perhaps the worst being the beating inflicting on a bull-mastiff in 2012.

The dog had ripped some latticework from the side of a house and was beaten by a father in front of a child and mother.

In one case, a 62-year-old husband was charged with domestic violence when he hit the pet dog with a broom to stop it urinating on the marital bed towards the end of his 15-year marriage.

The father threatened to “cut the dog’s neck” while punching it in front of his screaming son.

Another violent ex-husband turned on a dog belonging to his ex-wife’s new partner, attempting to strangle it in front of onlookers.

Another father beat the family dog in earshot of his children to “teach it a lesson”.

According to the Family Court of Australia, animals are regarded as “personal property” in a marital split, which means they have to be valued.

In one valuation in Queensland, receivers were dragged into a dispute to decide on the custodial arrangements of a horse when the couple failed to reach an agreement.

In another recent property fight, an ex-wife walked away with nine pedigree dogs worth $30,000 in her split with her ex-husband after a 24 year marriage.

Animals are also often used in the toxic post-separation games played out by warring spouses.

In one hostile prank, an ex-husband broke into his ex-wife’s home and replaced her couch with the dog bed and placed the television remote control beside it.

Another ex-husband had cried poor to the Family Court with claims he was “trimming the meat of the dog bones” to feed himself. The property pool had included a Volvo and a Range Rover.

According to the Family Court of Australia, animals are regarded as “personal property” in a marital split, which means they have to be valued.

Mr Page said property settlements often involved lawyers and litigants meeting at the marital home to split belongings, including the animals.

“People don’t want to go all the way to court and spent $50,000 to argue over animals, so it is usually decided that one person is closer to the pets,” Mr Page said.

But in some cases, it can all go horribly wrong.

For instance, a Queensland divorcee once organised to get the family dog “put down” before the property settlement, leaving lawyers to break the news to her ex-husband.

Another divorcee was brought to tears after learning of the death of the 16-year-old family dog weeks afterwards when their only child dropped it into conversation.

False abuse claims are the new court weapon, retiring judge says

Justice David Collier.

Rise in hostility: Justice David Collier. Photo: Sahlan Hayes

Allegations of child sexual abuse are being increasingly invented by mothers to stop fathers from seeing their children, says a retiring Family Court judge.

Justice David Collier, retiring from Parramatta Family Court at the end of the month after 14 years on the bench, sees unprecedented hostility infiltrating the Family Court, and a willingness by parents to use their children to damage one another.

”If a husband and wife really get down to it in this day and age, dirt flies,” Justice Collier said.

The worst are those mothers who direct false allegations of abuse against former partners.

”When you have heard the evidence, you realise that this is a person who’s so determined to win that he or she will say anything. I’m satisfied that a number of people who have appeared before me have known that it is one of the ways of completely shutting husbands out of the child’s life.

”It’s a horrible weapon.”

Such cases are fraught for Family Court judges. Once an allegation has been made it is impossible to ignore. The court must deem whether there is an ”unacceptable risk” of abuse occurring in the father’s care.

Sometimes the allegations are obviously fabricated, other times they are probably true.

”It’s that grey area in the middle that you lose sleep over at night, and you do lose sleep,” Justice Collier said.

”They’re difficult to disprove. The allegation lingers there.”

Barrister Esther Lawson, who sits on the family law committee at the NSW Bar Association, said anecdotally there appeared to be an increase in allegations of sexual abuse coming before the court, but the reasons were unclear.

She also warned that the consequence of false allegations could return to haunt the accuser, including the loss of time with their children.

”Clearly there are cases where there is reliable evidence that sexual abuse has taken place and these matters need to be properly ventilated,” Ms Lawson said.

”But if the court finds that allegations have been maliciously motivated then there may be potential consequences, including a change in the child’s primary residence.”

It is rare for Family Court judges to speak publicly about their views. Many are still haunted by the 1980 murder of Justice David Opas and 1984 bombings of the Parramatta Family Court building and homes of two judges.

Judgments are now more involved, partly so the losing party can understand the reasoning behind decisions. Justice Collier said the cases were also more complicated, as litigants raise more matters and run each of them to earth. Facebook pages are frequently called into evidence.

”A mother declares she lives a chaste and modest life and then on Facebook says, ‘Guess what I did last night’, and Dad’s only too happy to put it before you.”

He puts much of the venom down to a generation of people more assertive of their rights, and now entering relationships.

But it disheartens him to leave the court so, after a satisfying career. He used to keep a magic wand, which he has now passed on to his colleague Justice Bill Johnson.

”I wished I could wave that magic wand and say, ‘Be nice to each other’,” Justice Collier said. ”That’s the only order I would have to make.”